Monday, June 5, 2017

The Fault in My Scars



When I was 21 I had surgery for an inflamed pericardium (membrane around the heart) and came out of surgery a cancer patient.  The pericardium was mostly removed but at that time the doctors discovered a stage 3b Hodgkins Lymphoma tumor surrounding my heart.  I have the “zipper” scar on my sternum that wont let me forget.  It reminds me that life isn’t always fair; that life is worth fighting for.  It reminds me to live life each day as if it were my last.  Unfortunately cancer isn’t like chicken pox and once you have it once, the odds are greater than others that you will get it again.  My scars remind me to keep a watchful eye.  My scars remind me that I cant get too comfortable in my body.

This must be what a felon running from the law feels like.  Always looking behind their shoulder, and wondering when the law will catch up to them and find them.  I’ve felt that way for 14 years.  It was worse at first when they told me the cancer was gone but that I needed to have some CT Scans every month to be sure.  For the last five years, I’ve just done scans if I had any problems.  But as a survivor, any cough, ache, or pain that won’t quit is a cause to raise red flags.  I have lost track of how many cancer scares I’ve had these past years.  I’ve stopped feeling scared, I’ve trained myself to just watch and see.  Do the tests and see what the answer is, then decide to be scared.  I’ve been lucky and haven’t had a reason to be scared, until this year. 

For fourteen years I’ve awoken every day and breathed air that wasn’t meant for me. I drew the “get out of jail free” card in 2003 and have been looking over my shoulder ever since.  I know I shouldn’t be here on this earth but I am and I am trying to make my life mean something.  I’ve had fourteen years but I’m selfish because I want all the years.  I want to watch my baby learn how to walk and my older babies grow up and go to college.  I want to be a grandmother and retire with my love, my Lee.  I am selfish.  I am a horrible person. 

I am getting medical test after medical with no answer for my pain.  Its hard not to wonder if its happening all over again.  But until I know one way or the other, I just wait.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll draw a card from “The Community Chest”  that says “bank error in your favor.”

Friday, March 31, 2017

#13 Violas Mail Time- Sheila sends her a card!

Viola's Mimi has spread the word about her Mail Time channel!  Thanks Mimi!  On this episode, Viola reads a card from Mimi's friend, Sheila.  Thanks Sheila!  If you would like Viola to read your card on her channel, send her a card in the mail.  We will do these videos through summer 2017.


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

#12 - A Letter from Emjay



Viola's Aunt has told her kids at work all about Viola's Mail Time.  They love watching all the new episodes.  Most of the kids wrote Viola awhile back and now its Emjay's turn.  Thank you Aunt Amy and the kids, especially Emjay! 

Do you have a note you want Viola to read?  At the beginning of this school year Viola could only read a few small words!  She has grown so much learning how to read through Saxon Phonics.  Message me for the address if you have something for her to read. 


Viola's Mail Time #11- A Happy Mardi Gras Message from The Birthplace of Mardi Gras!

On this special episode, Viola receives a Mardi Gras package straight from Mobile, Alabama.  Thank you cousin Molly!!!  Viola tastes Moon Pies on video!  LOL

I know you want Viola to read a note from you on her channel!  Let me know if you need her address. 


Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The BIG 10! Viola's Mail Time- a valentine from Rachel and Robert

Robert and Rachel have done it again!  Viola received a Valentine and we shot this a few wks ago.  Due to a death in Viola's family and then a subsequent Spring Break she had a little extra time off.  Now she's back and reading better than ever!   If you have a note, or a card you would like her to read mail it to her.  PM me for the address.  We will shoot these throughout the summer of 2017 (at least!)


Thursday, February 23, 2017

Viola's Mail Time #9- Kathy K

This time on Viola's mail time, Viola reads a letter from Kathy K, Mimi's good friend.  She got the letter in the mail from Kansas! 
Viola's baby brother JJ tried to help her this time...
If you are friends of the family outside of the internet, you can participate too!  Dont you want to hear Viola read your mail?  PM me for the address.  In the least, we will continue to do mail time throughout the summer of 2017. 
This started as a fun activity to help encourage Viola to read.  She loves hosting her own show, but has been slower than her sister learning how to read.  Viola just turned seven and is completing Saxon Phonics One this year and learning so much!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Viola's Mail Time #8- Beth

This time on Viola's mail time, Viola reads a letter from Beth, the red Crayon. Crayons Improv is her Mom's improv group.   She got the letter in the mail from Pittsburgh Pennsylvania!
 If you are friends of the family outside of the internet, you can participate too!  Dont you want to hear Viola read your mail?  PM me for the address.  In the least, we will continue to do mail time throughout the summer of 2017. 
This started as a fun activity to help encourage Viola to read.  She loves hosting her own show, but has been slower than her sister learning how to read.  Viola just turned seven and is completing Saxon Phonics One this year and learning so much!